You know, I always figured I'd be further along than I am at 21. At the very least I assumed I'd be close to finishing college, though that one's not the big bad that gnaws at me so much. After all, it's an easy fixer upper.

What I refer to is my emotional state of mind and my maturity, or lack thereof. I am adjusted enough that my actions are passable and rational for a functioning human being, but it seems I've allowed insecurities and negative emotions and views to fester and grow, becoming much larger problems than they ever needed to be; now that I recognize them and face them, they seem much harder to fix this late in my growth.

To use examples from Persona, a game series that draws heavily on Carl Jung as a symbolic element, all people use different "masks" to confront life and its hardships. The self capable of divine love, the self capable of unforgiving cruelty, all forged through the differing circumstances in ones life. On the converse is the Shadow, the mask unrefined and self-destructive, a powerful force of raw emotion and potential that must be tamed through self-realization and acceptance of the flaws that make us human.

Looking inward, my strength of Persona seems outweighed by the strength of my Shadow. Despite my introspection, it does little as I cannot take the step into acceptance and repairing the less savory portions of my mind.

Now, I've talked on and on about this mess, if you've been paying attention and wondering what I'm talking about, I'll explain. Essentially, it seems to me that several pieces of my life haven't quite fit into place as well as I'd like.

One portion is my relationship at the moment. I hesitate to go into details, sufficed to say that it feels like a certain connection has severed. The matter is only exacerbated by my inability to muster the nerve needed to talk about this, again showing my inability to accept things as they are in favor of blissful ignorance. What I hope to do through this is to simply try and get things moving, in hopes that I can somehow get this matter resolved. The second portion is simply a matter of my living arrangements and likely a matter of simply moving past my memories of living with my mother. At least I hope so, for simplicities sake.

So that's all it is. I can't be sure if this is a mistake or perhaps a step towards fixing a neurotic mind like mine, but I do feel at least a bit better having it out of my head for the time being.